- me: are there any spirits here?
- ouija spells out: a-y-y-l-m-a-o
"Minerva McGonagall Potter I named you after the bravest person at Hogwarts. "
"Dad you named me after a girl."
“Listen son you talk like that around McGonagall you’ll get your ass handed to you turned into a goblet and be forced to drink from it.”
*knits myself a thong*
My girlfriend sneezed and I accidentally said shut the fuck up instead of saying bless you
So this girl walks up to another girl and says “Hey, have you heard of the Bechdel Test?”
And the other girl says, “Yeah, my boyfriend was telling me about it the other day!”
stop replacing mirrors with ‘you look fine’ signs i know i look fine that’s why i want to look in the mirror
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off
What’s in store for me in the direction i don’t take?
“… the moments when everything is open, when all options are present, and all is undecided – mere destinies unfolding. Our choices shift into one plane of existence, the extension of every path still available, until we pick the red tie instead of the blue; harbor anger instead of compassion; attempt to fix it or break it; and all our possibilities collapse into the singular of what is, rippling outward from the moment of decision to affect our lives in ways unknown… The noise at the back of our mind wondering anxiously, What’s in store for me in the direction I don’t take?”